Hard To Love
by BeyoutufulDisaster
Summary: Kurt and Sebastian have more in common than they think. Rated M for mature ideas and POTENTIAL smut. WARNING: Eating disorders, self-harm, and mentions of suicide. Has the potential to be triggering. Kurtbastian.
1. Chapter 1

"To what do I owe this fine morning for your company, meerkat?" Kurt found himself asking Sunday morning while looking up at the tall boy standing in front him, sipping his new favorite drink, black coffee, in Lima Bean. He'd been sitting on a loveseat in the corner instead of his usual table, working on a french paper due the next day.

"I can't just drive 2 hours to see you without a reason? I've missed seeing your lady face since you and the hobbit broke up."

Kurt immediately tensed at the mention of his ex, who shattered his heart just 7 days ago. He'd been having a hard enough time taking his mind off the short boy, and he didn't need Sebastian here to make it even harder. His eyes flashed with emotions as he watches his boyfriend-at-the-time try to explain how he had never meant to sleep with Chandler, but it just happened, in his head. His eyes are nothing but pure ice as he spits out his reply with a tone tone that matches the coldness in his eyes. "No you can't, considering the fact that we can't stand to be in each other's presence. What the hell do you want?"

Sebastian notices the pain and anger in Kurt's eyes and smirks at the blue eyed boy sitting in front of him. Since when does Hummel curse? "If you must know, you're going to do a favor for me."

With one eyebrow raised, Kurt questions the boy in front of him, "Oh really? I'm pretty sure when a person does another person a favor, they agree to it and aren't just told about it." Who does he think he is, just coming in here and demanding a favor?

"Well, I mean I guess I could do that but who can resist this?" he retorts while holding his hands out and twirling, all while checking himself out.

"Have you forgotten that you tried to steal my boyfriend, almost blind said boyfriend with a slushie that was meant for_ me_, blackmail my stepbrother, and push someone towards suicide? If anyone here is doing a favor, it should be you. You've done nothing but cause trouble the last few months."

Now it was Sebastian's turn to get defensive. His face hardens as the words of the boy in front of him sink in, but his eyes show nothing but pain. He had apologized for his actions weeks ago, but everyone around him still held it against him. He knew what he had done was wrong...hell, he even visited Karofsky in the hospital after his attempt. Still, everyone acted like he was out murding families, when all he did was potentially blind a boy, photoshop some pictures, and say a few harsh words to someone in a bar. "Fuck you. I apologized for that and you accepted my apology. You think I don't know what I did was wrong? I think of Karofsky every damn day but there's nothing I can do to take my words back. Why can't you people just let it go?" Shit, did he really just give Hummel a tiny glimpse into his mind?

Kurt's face softens as he analyzes Sebastian's. He recognizes the guilt he sees in the taller boy's eyes because he's seen it in his eyes. If he'd just answer his phone when Dave called him, he might have been able to talk him out of it. Every time he closes his eyes he sees Dave in the hospital bed when he went to see him after his attempt. He remembers trying not stare at the bruise on his neck, or the distant look in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he says softly as he looks at Sebastian. "I didn't mean-"

"Damn it, don't say you didn't mean it. I may be a jackass but I'm not stupid."

"I wasn't going to say I didn't mean it. I was going to say I didn't mean to say it. And for the record, you're not the jerk in this conversation, I am. I know the guilt you're feeling because I'm feeling it too," he says with a sigh. He knows how hard it is to get to sleep at night, how hard it is to get up in the morning because of the overwhelming sense of self-hate. When he looks back up at the standing boy, he smirks softy. "So do you want to get us some coffee so we can discuss this favor?"

The shock is clear on Sebastian's face, but his cocky-attitude-armor is back on as fast as it came off. "Like I said, who can resist this body?" He chuckles as the other boy scoffs. "So what is it you want, princess? Grande non-fat mocha?" Kurt looks at him questioningly with a tiny smirk but as soon he opens his mouth to say something, the taller boy cuts him off. "Shut it, Hummel. When I met the hobbit here once, he ordered your drink on accident. Don't flatter yourself." And before Kurt can even say anything else, he's making his way to order 2 coffees.

While Sebastian's gone, Kurt finds himself thinking of the last time he'd seen his ex. He didn't have any classes with him, and he'd been skipping glee club...

_Kurt was sitting on his bed when his phone went off to the familiar tune of "Teenage Dream" that he hears everytime his fabulous boyfriend, Blaine calls. Without hesitation he picks it up, but as soon as he hears Blaine frantic voice, his mind wonders to all of the worst possible scenarios until he hears his boyfriend saying they need to talk. He tells him that's home alone so he can come over right now and Blaine agrees. As soon as he hears a car pull up, he opens the door and waits for the short boy. He watches as Blaine runs into the Hudmel house and collapses on the couch in tears. He rushes over to hold his distraught boyfriend, but pauses when he flinches away from him. Suddenly Blaine is pacing his living room and starts whispering "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry" and is looking at Kurt with some of the saddest eyes he's ever seen. "I slept with Chandler," is all Kurt hears before everything sounds muffled. He hears something that sounds like "it was a mistake" and "it meant nothing" before he looks Blaine straight in the eyes and says "You need to leave." He watches Blaine leave, locks the door, and runs to his room. He finally lets the tears fall down his face as he opens his nightstand drawer and pulls out a tiny bag from the back. He turns the bag upside down and a razor falls out. He runs to the bathroom and locks the door incase his dad and Carole or Finn come home. Before he realizes it, he's standing over the sink with blood dripping from his wrist._

"KURT!"

Kurt looks to source of the voice yelling his name and realizes Sebastian is staring at him like he's crazy. "You alright, princess? You look like you're about to cry."

Kurt lifts his fingers to his eyes and realizes what the green-eyed boy said is true. He grabs a napkin and dabs his eyes before explaining, "Sorry, got lost in a memory." For a second, Kurt swears he sees a flash of concern on the other boy's face but it's gone before he can be sure.

"About?"

"Blaine," Kurt answers with a tone that implies there is no more room for discussion on this topic. "Now what is this favor you seem to think I'll be doing for you? Humor me." he asks as he is being handed a grande non-fat mocha.

"It's a funny story actually," he starts as Kurt puts his face in his hands. "So you see, I was talking with my dad about moving back to France, but then he said there was no way I was going alone. So I said I'd take my bestfriend with me and he didn't believe that I *had* a bestfriend and he's a huge fan of your dad, so I said the first thing that came to my mind when thinking of pleasing my dad and I kinda maybe sorta said you were my bestfriend," he finishes with a nervous pleading look in his eyes.

"Wow, you're quite the rambler aren't you? And you've gotta be kidding me. Did he even believe that I was your bestfriend? He's never even seen me with you before! And how can you just expect me to pick up and move to France with you?! My life is here. I can't even afford to live in France. And have you forgotten we can't stand each other?"

"Calm down and put the claws away, kitten. And yes, he did doubt me, which is why you would also need to come meet my family this weekend. It would only need to be for a few months until I convince him that I'm responsible enough to live on my own, so consider it a long vacation. And you can't tell me you don't want to go to France. It's like the capital of fashion or whatever. And we'd be paying for everything of course, stupid. No I haven't forgotten that either. We'll barely have to see each other. I'll be out most of the time and you can go shopping as much as you want."

Kurt just looks at him as if he's grown another head before saying "no" and getting up and throwing his now empty coffee cup away. When he gets back to the loveseat, he's greeted by a terrified and slightly hesitant looking Sebastian.

"You don't understand! I really need you to say yes. _Please._"

"Then explain. What don't I get?" Kurt asks with an annoyed tone. When he sees how hesitant Sebastian looks, he softens his voice. "Look, whatever you're so hesitant to tell me, you can tell me. You'd be surprised with how well I can keep a secret."

"Fine. But not here. How bout I tell you on the 2 hour drive to my house?"

"You've gotta be kidding me. How'd you get here?"

"Jeff dropped me off," he explains with a sheepish grin.  
_

This my first fanfic ever, so please be easy on me. And I know this chapter doesn't go into all of the dark stuff very much, but as the story goes on, it'll get darker.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh my gosh. You guys are amazing. I know this is a really slow start but just please bear with me. _It will get_** **_better_. And**

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As they make their way to Kurt's navigator, Kurt tells Sebastian he needs his address so he can put it in his GPS. When Sebastian gives his address and they're on their way to his house, Kurt tries to wait patiently for Sebastian to explain what he couldn't in the coffee shop, but after 30 minutes of silence, Kurt snaps. "Would you just tell me what the hell I don't understand?!" but when he looks over at Sebastian sitting in the passenger seat, he can tell Sebastian is having a war against himself in his mind, and feels bad for snapping at him, and mutters a soft "sorry."

After another minute of silence, Sebastian finally speaks up. "I'm not happy here. I'm trying to move on from everything you brought up earlier, but everything around this place reminds me of it. And if I am actually able to forget about it, I'm being harassed for who I'm attracted to, even by my mother. So I guess you could call me a coward for running away,but I need to be happy and for that, I need a fresh start. I can't do that here. I don't wanna change completely, but Dave's attempt really affected me."

"Okay," a soft voice says from the driver seat.

"Really?" hopeful green eyes look towards sympathetic blue ones.

"Yeah, I'll talk to my dad about it tonight. When do we leave? I need to go on independent studies."

"If you don't mind meeting my family today instead of next weekend, we can leave Friday afternoon. But if you don't want to meet them today, you can meet them on Saturday and we can go Sunday." Kurt looks over at Sebastian and sees how excited he is and laughs while agreeing to meet them today. "Can we play music? You're car is boring," the excited boy asks with a grin.

"I suppose, can you plug in my iPod? It should be in the back of the glove box."

Sebastian opens the glove box and the first thing he sees is a pair of scissors. When he looks at Kurt suspiciously, Kurt has no idea what the look is for and just laughs, but his eyes widen while the color in his face drains when Sebastian pulls the scissors out. He stammers on his words until he's finally able to explain, "oh those? Don't you keep a pair of scissors in your glove box? They've come in handy in an emergency before." Okay so maybe he wasn't telling the whole truth, but he wasn't lying. They were a great source of relief when he needed it. "Now can you get my iPod, please?" he asks impatiently. When Sebastian plugs in the iPod, and music starts to flow through the speakers, Kurt's eyes widen again. He had forgotten what he was listening to on his way to the Lima Bean, but now he's trying to think of a way to change the song quickly without raising suspicion. He can't say he doesn't like the song because why would he have it on his iPod? That's just stupid. Before he can think of anything else, Sebastian is _singing along_ to the song coming out of the speakers.

_I want your heart-shaped lips, lips, cooler hula hips I want to feel my bones on your bones_

"You know this song? Most people don't know it.." Kurt looks at Sebastian curiously. He'll never forget the first time he heard this song.

"Yeah, I found it on YouTube a while ago. Why?" Sebastian has an obvious glint of suspicion and curiosity in his eyes, as if he knows what Kurt is thinking, but they're quickly clouded with worry as he thinks about how *he, himself* knows this song. Is that how Kurt found it too?

"Just wondering, is all. Most people don't know this song, or even this band. I found them on Youtube too," Kurt hints. The two boys look at eachother with matching wonder and worry. "So you don't mind if I leave it on this playlist?" When Sebastian agrees on the playlist, Kurt listens to the rest of the song.

_I wear my heartache on my sleeve,_  
_I love myself to much to see  
It haunts my dreams_

_Every boy wants a body to die for,_  
_And every girl who's thin is his rival,_  
_I wish I had a body to die for,_  
_Skinny is sexy,_  
_Big isn't beautiful._

_I'm gonna shed me some skin,_  
_Get me real real slim,_  
_I want to feels my bones on your bones,_  
_I am a teenage Drama Queen,_  
_I throw my guts up for self-esteem..._  
_It haunts my dreams_

_Every boy wants a body to die for,_  
_And every girls who's thin is his rival,_  
_I wish I had a body to die for,_  
_Skinny is sexy,_  
_Big isn't beautiful._

_Every boy wants a body to die for,_  
_And every girl who's thin is his rival,_  
_I wish I had a body to die for..._  
_Skinny is sexy,_  
_Sweet anorexia!_  
_Skinny is sexy,_  
_Big isn't beautiful!_

They continue the ride to Sebastian's house in silence, listening to every other song in the playlist on Kurt's iPod. When they finally arrive at the residence, Kurt's mouth falls open. He knew Sebastian obviously came from money, but _dear god_. Nothing could have prepared him for what he was currently staring at. The house was two stories and he honestly wouldn't be surprised if it was as wide as the White House. Okay, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it is _huge_. He's snapped back to reality when he hears Sebastian laughing at him. Sebastian looks sick all of a sudden as he mutters "shit" under his breath. "Okay, here's the deal Hummel. If you're supposedly my bestfriend, you'll know that my mother's name is Laura and she doesn't aprove of my gay 'phase'. My dad's name is Criss and he fully supports me in anything I do. I have a 6 year old sister named Laney and a 1 year old sister named Kiley. They mean the world to me. And I have a dog named Sugar. Got it?"

Sebastian was surprised to see that Kurt didn't look overwhelmed at all, in fact he looked amused. "Got it."

Once they were in the house, Sebastian was yelling out for his parents. "Dad? Mother? I brought Kurt!"

"We're in the kitchen bud," a strong male voice rang out through the house. When the green eyed boy guided Kurt to the kitchen, he was immediately pulled into a hug, and squeals at the surprise.

"Hello, sir. My name's Kurt," he says as he's released from the hug. He looks up at a man that looks to be in his late forties with bright green eyes and deep set wrinkles around his mouth and eyes. He has a strong jaw but a loose grin planted on his face.

"Don't you dare call me sir in my own house, Kurt. Jeez, do I really look that old to you? Please, call me Criss." he says with a light chuckle. "This is my wife, Laura."

"Hello, ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet you," he says looking down at a petite woman who looks roughly 40, give or take, with brown eyes. "Sebastian has told me so many nice things about you," he adds at the last minute. He figures if she's really as disapproving as Sebastian says, he's doing them both a favor. Sure, he hasn't actually announced he's gay but as Sebastian is so kind to remind him, he has a bad case of the Gay Face.

"Oh, please call Mrs. Smythe, not ma'am," she replies while her husband softly shakes his head and her son rolls his eyes.

Kurt starts to appologize but is quicky cut off by a little girl squealing and running into the kitchen. She has dirty blonde hair that reaches the middle of her back with soft waves and the biggest, brightest blue eyes he's ever seen. He watches as Sebastian crouches down and she runs into his arms with a huge smile. The hug looks so tight that Sebastian looks like he's crushing her bones. "Sebby! I missed you..ooh! Is this Kurt? Hi Kurt! Sebby talks about you alot." At this, Sebastian laughs and makes a mental note to explain her comment to Kurt later.

"Hi, cutie. You must be Laney, I've heard a lot about you too." When Kurt looks back up from Laney, he sees another little girl in Sebastian's arms that has a strong resemblance to Laney, but is much younger. The only difference is that while Laney has dirty blonde hair, this little girl has strawberry blonde hair that barely brushes the top of her shoulders and makes her eyes appear even brighter. "And this must be Kiley. She's gorgeous!"

"Yes, these are 2 of my 3 princesses. Sugar is in the backyard, probably bathing in mud. You wanna go see meet her?" Sebastian immediately laughs when he sees the look on Kurt's face as he thinks of muddy paw prints on his designer clothes. "You sure? You're gunna have to live with her." Again, Sebastian laughs at the look of horror on Kurt's face. When Kurt finally nods, Sebastian leads them through the house to a pair of french doors.

When they walk through the doors, Sebastian sits in a cushioned chair and chuckles lightly when he notices Kurt still standing. "God, you're the most awkward person I've ever met. *Sit down* "

Kurt glares at Sebastian and sits without saying anything, but immediately stands back up when he sees a petite, pure white Pit Bull running towards him. When he realizes she's _not_ covered in mud he squats down and doesn't try to hide his smirk when he looks over at Sebastian and sees shock clear on his face. When the dog finally reaches him, he sees that she has gorgeous green eyes and a pink nose. She tries to cover his face in slobber, but he turns his head and she settles with nuzzling her head in his hands.

"So this Sugar, as you can tell. And yes, she actually is going with us. I already checked with the owner of the apartment and he doesn't care that she's a Pit Bull as long as she behaves herself."

"Fine with me although it _would_ have been nice to know she was a part of the deal when I agreed."

"Most people are uptight and don't like Pit Bulls. I thought you might not even consider it."

"I'm not most people."

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**The song is Big Isn't Beautiful by King Adora.**


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